There are cases that test your legal skills, and then there are cases that test your patience, your composure, and your sense of self. XUH v XUI [2025] SGFC 127 was one of those cases for me.
I acted for the Father. The law was complex, but manageable. The difficulty came from the behavior of the Mother, who throughout the proceedings displayed a level of volatility that made every step unpredictable. Her conduct went far beyond the usual stresses of a contested divorce.
When Professionalism Becomes a Shield
From the very first hearing, I realised this was not going to be a typical matter.
She addressed me with hostility. She interrupted repeatedly. She made statements that were provocative and inappropriate. Some were personal. Some were directed at the Court. Some were directed at me.
At one hearing, she made remarks about my race and caste. She suggested to the judge that my credibility was tied to my ethnicity and even referred to the assassination of a former prime minister of India. These comments were hurtful, discriminatory, and completely improper in any setting, let alone a courtroom. The judge asked me if I wanted to proceed with contempt proceedings. I declined.
In moments like that, the temptation to respond emotionally is real. But as counsel, you do not have that luxury. You must choose stillness, even when your dignity is under attack. You breathe, you let the comments pass, and you continue with your submissions because the case is not about you. It is about the children who need finality, and the client who depends on you to remain the adult in the room.
The Judge Saw Everything
The Judge witnessed her conduct firsthand. He noted her behaviour as unusual, disturbing and offensive. He recorded the inappropriate emails she sent to the Court. He recorded the repeated breaches of directions. And he recorded the derogatory and racially charged comments she made about me during a discovery hearing.
- He also noted something else.
- He noted that I chose not to react.
In his decision, he wrote that contempt proceedings did not proceed only because I chose to rise above her behaviour and continue with the matter in order to avoid further delay. He also expressed his appreciation for my tenacity, my patience in turning the other cheek, and my assistance to the Court in an intractable matter.
That acknowledgment meant more to me than I expected. Not because I needed praise, but because it showed that grace under pressure matters. It showed that the Court sees how counsel conduct themselves. And most importantly, it showed that kindness and restraint can have a place even in the most difficult litigation.
Understanding What You Are Really Dealing With
When you are faced with a litigant who is struggling mentally, the usual approach to advocacy does not always work. She behaved in ways that did not align with logic or evidence. She treated timelines as optional. She relied on long emotional statements instead of documents. She believed she could persuade the judge through sheer force of expression rather than through evidence.
It is easy to label such behaviour as defiance. But over time, it became clear that this went deeper.
- She did not see the consequences of her actions.
- She did not recognise how she appeared.
- She did not process the judge’s warnings.
- She did not understand that she was harming her own case.
You learn very quickly that arguing aggressively will not help.
- Matching her tone will not help.
- Insisting on control will not help.
What helps is steady patience.
- Clear boundaries.
- Calm repetition of the rules.
- And the ability to separate the person from the behaviour.
Holding the Line
Throughout the case, I reminded myself of one truth. When someone is mentally unwell, their behaviour is not about you.
- She made comments about my race.
- She raised her voice in hearings.
- She sent inappropriate emails.
- She attacked my competence and motives.
None of it was personal, even though it felt personal. It was a symptom of something deeper. My responsibility was to hold the line and not allow the emotional unpredictability to dictate the rhythm of the case.
When Patience Meets Finality
The Judge gave her every opportunity to participate properly.
- He explained things slowly.
- He repeated directions.
- He tolerated interruptions.
- He guided her as far as a judge ethically could.
But patience has limits.
- At some point, the Court must make a decision.
- The children had lived through enough instability.
- My client had carried the financial and emotional load for too long.
Eventually, the process had to move. And the Judge made that clear in his ruling.
What This Case Taught Me About Being Counsel?
This case taught me several things that will stay with me for the rest of my career.
First, professionalism is not about perfection. It is about restraint.
- It is about choosing calm when the room is shaking.
- It is about absorbing provocation without losing sight of your purpose.
Second, when dealing with a party who is mentally unwell, the lawyer’s role becomes part advocate, part anchor.
- You do not diagnose.
- You do not judge.
You simply provide stability in a setting where instability dominates.
Third, the Court sees everything. Even when you think your composure goes unnoticed, it does not.
- Judges observe.
- Judges remember.
- Judges appreciate dignity under pressure.
Finally, this case reminded me that compassion and firmness can coexist.
- You can feel empathy for someone while still insisting that the process must move forward.
- You can acknowledge their struggles while still protecting your client.
- You can be gentle without being weak.
Closing Thoughts
Some cases teach you about law. Some teach you about people.
This case taught me about patience, humility, and the importance of holding yourself steady in the presence of someone who is clearly unwell yet unable to see it.
Mental health complicates litigation in profound ways. But the responsibility of counsel remains the same.
- Keep steady.
- Keep respectful.
- Keep focused.
Because at the end of the day, someone must hold the centre when the storm rages.
And in this case, I am grateful I did.
